In college, I was a double major. My first major was in History and the second in Theatre: Production and Design. The history major was an accident, in all honesty. I had taken so many history classes at my junior college, I only needed a few more to slap on that double major. I figured why not; I loved taking those classes anyways.

I studied at a junior college to save money and met a professor I absolutely adored. She made history come alive and it felt like we were gossiping about the main players in revolutions as if they were alive today. Oh, that crazy Ivan the Terrible. Robespierre, that rascal! Voltaire, was well…Voltaire. This professor knew how to get us invested even though we already knew the results of these events. I fell deeply in love with the history of revolutions and what caused people to rebel. It was the people I wanted to know everything about. Messy and dramatic and passionate beyond imagination. The people who started revolutions believed so wholeheartedly in their endeavor and did anything to build the future that they thought would be better for their country and people.

What does a personal growth journey have to do with a rebellion? Well, every revolution has a spark. A shot heard around the world, if you will. Those who rebel want to incite change. They want a new world based on their ideals that they believe will improve their living conditions. Isn’t that what you want, too?

But what or who are you rebelling against? Yourself.

Within the last few months or even years, you probably felt that rumble of discontent grow inside you. That little voice that said you were made for more. You’re better than this. You deserve better than this. And slowly that voice has become louder and louder until that moment the spark ignited and you thought to yourself:

“I’m done.”

“No more.”

“Never again”

and boom, the revolution has begun.

You’re rebelling against the story you’ve always told yourself. The beliefs that have been limiting you. The version of you that has kept you safe, but also kept you from truly thriving and living up to your potential. There is nothing easy about letting go of what has kept you safe for so long. If it ain’t broke why fix it, right? Because. If you do feel this way, you deserve to pursue a life that you love. Everyone does.

Revolutions are messy. There will be (metaphorical) casualties. The old you has to fall for the better you to rise from its ashes.

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When I began my journey back in 2018, there wasn’t as much focus on personal growth and mental health support like we have seen since the pandemic. I was working a great job with a 401k and $45,000 salary that made me feel like I made it. I relished in the ability to shop at Whole Foods and felt like an amazing provider for my partner and myself. It was, on paper, perfect.

It broke my soul, though.

I would wake up early, go into the office, and wait for an email to pop up in the inbox like a vulture waiting for a dead carcass. One would pop up and the 8 new assistant account executives and I would jump on it. Eight long hours just sitting in my cubicle…waiting for a task. Again, people told me how awesome it was to have a job where I could do that all day. But it is not my nature to sit and wait. After four months, I was having anxiety attacks before going to work because I felt so stagnant and trapped. I felt so ashamed to admit I hated it–business casual clothes, the morning commute, all of it.

I had a job opportunity at a theatre I had declined to take this corporate gig. It was part time and made in a month what I had made in a week at the office. They didn’t hire anyone after I declined and reopened the listing around the time I realized I was losing my mind at the office. I spoke with my significant other at the time, and with his amazing grace and support, I reapplied and got the job.

By doing this, I was going against what I had believed was the formula for life. Go to college. Get a good job with a 401k and health insurance. Work 8 hours a day and save up your PTO for when you want to take time off to experience life outside the office. Stability and predictability. This is the dream for some people, and I hope that those of you who want it, achieve it. But for me? That sounded like a living death. And I felt terrible for feeling that way. I had to fight against the guilt and shame around my decision to pursue my passions in technical theatre. I wanted to be in a shop, teaching students technical theatre while putting on shows. I knew I needed to feel fulfilled in my work, and shopping at Whole Foods, while exciting, was worth letting go to do so.

This first “mini-rebellion” I like to call it was just the start of my journey, and doesn’t even begin to touch on the growth I began to pursue regarding my mental health. However, it was one of the first times I challenged what I had thought for so long was the “right” path to a successful life. It felt like a rebellion to chart out a new life path for myself.

Looking back, I proved to myself that I had the grit and determination to truly follow my soul’s passions, and this moment set the foundation for many other rebellious decisions. I destroyed this idea of the “right” path. In fact, I realized there was no right path. This was just the direction I decided was best for me at that time. Perhaps it would change, but I’d cross that bridge when I got there. All I knew for sure was that my soul was telling me something was off through anxiety attacks and dissatisfaction with my office job. I listened, and realized I needed to reevaluate my formula for life. After doing so, I was able to work out a plan with my significant other and forge this new path. Little did I know this was just the start of challenging myself and my beliefs.

All revolutions start small. So ask yourself, what is causing that little voice in your soul to whisper “I deserve more?”

Love and Light,

B